the quintessential teen experience™

am i wasting my life at sixteen years old?

I’ve never been to a football game. I’ve never had the Instagram-postable high school relationship. I’ve been to homecoming once, and I spent the entire time maximizing my three day free trial of Duolingo Premium. I think I’m wasting my teenage years. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the quintessential teenage experience (which you may notice I have unofficially trademarked in the title), which to me has been carefully curated by the older kids in my life, coming-of-age media, and social media. There’s an apparent magic surrounding high school and teenagehood, that I feel like I too, should be experiencing. I fear I should never feel fulfilled if I don’t experience these necessary high school events and situations, yet I possess no desire for them. But I hope when I leave my teenage years behind and look back as an adult, I won’t be disappointed with myself. 

Around this time of year, with spirit week, football season, and homecoming, it is a yearly poignant reminder that I’m missing out. Even though my skipping events is intentional, I felt like I have missed something important when I look through the Instagram stories hours later. 

I skipped homecoming last year, when I was a sophomore. Mostly because I hated it when I was a freshman. I looked around at all the flashing lights, and the music seemed to only get louder and more obnoxious throughout the night. Down in the pit, kids screamed to the music and danced feverishly with the reeking scent of alcohol and weed wafting off of them. The experience was much too much for me, and I couldn’t think of anything except for leaving. Should I put myself through that state of panic again for the sake of hoping to create good memories? Homecoming seems like a part of the quintessential teen experience. I have a ticket for this year, and it’s sitting on my desk. But I’m not quite sure if I’m going yet.

I also don’t really participate in any high school extracurriculars. All of mine are outside of school, which isn’t all for lack of trying. I made the soccer team my freshman year, but something else came up so I dropped without much disappointment to be frank. I did my school musical the same year, but that experience will be an entire other post (spoiler, it was awful). I’ve never found something I’ve truly been engaged in within the school, and while I have a strong group of friends, I feel like I’m missing finding a community with like-minded people there. 

I worry about my social life, despite having that group of friends. I feel as me missing out on these quintessential teenage experiences is hurting me ultimately.

But I think the main thing I feel like I’m missing out on is being in a relationship with someone, even though I have been. I’ve spoken about liking girls in another post, but I’d like to reiterate here how I feel like I’m missing out on something important. I’ve never been in a long-term relationship where it’s been completely normal to the public eye; I’ve always been a secret. I’m jealous of couples (primarily straight couples) who are able to be completely normal together, ask each other to prom, and be able to be seen kissing without someone looking at you like you’re doing something wrong. Heterosexuality has always seemed idyllic to me, and I crave the normalcy of it more than I should like to admit. Naturally, I don’t believe that being gay is abnormal, but I do acknowledge that not everyone views it the same way. This will always hurt in some manner, but I hope this feeling that I’m missing out on something will dissipate as I grow older.

I would like to say the quintessential teen experience is something you must curate for yourself, and I actually do believe it is. Each of us is our own individual, with different interests and levels of sociability, in which we must acknowledge to create the most enjoyable teenage experience for ourselves. I’m trapped between this and the feeling I’m missing out on genuine high school memories that I’ll only resent myself for when I get older. That being said, I’ve also had some incredible memories as a teenager that I’ve created for myself. There’s no specific way to navigate your high school experience. Maybe it’s true I’m missing out on things like homecoming dances and football games, rallies and cheers. They are part of what creates the quintessential teen experience in so many regards. I’m not sure if my adolescence will feel unfulfilled without them, but to be honest, I don’t feel unfulfilled now. If I do begin to feel like I’ve missed out, there’s always senior year, in which I’ve promised myself I’d participate.